Dear Guncles: Advice from your gay uncles
Jim and Mike are proud guncles of nephews, nieces, younger cousins and furry cats and they’re here to answer your life questions each month, big and small.
Getting Slappy At Pride
Q: Dear Guncles,
The other year I invited one of my straight guy friends to watch Gay Pride with me (the year before the pandemic). While we were watching the parade, a gay guy walked by and slapped my friend playfully on his ass. My friend laughed and said it was funny but I was mortified because I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable or think gay guys are all about sex. This year, I don’t think I will invite straight friends to Pride anymore. Or should I? — Pride Predicament
A: Hi Pride Predicament,
Kudos to you for inviting your straight friends to Pride. Many straights want to go but decide not to attend unless invited (even though it’s for anyone to watch and celebrate). That your friend accepted your invitation to watch with you and that he is your friend probably implies he is gay friendly and can take a slap on the butt as a compliment. If he felt and said he was uncomfortable, then he should have said something to the guy. It’s not your responsibility for monitoring the behavior of the entire gay community. Keep inviting friends to Pride and allow them to experience it the way we all do. Dear Guncles are at the age where no one is slapping our butts anymore – more likely stepping on it because it’s dragging on the ground.
Primping for Pride
Q: Dear Guncles,
What should I wear to Gay Pride? This past year, I’ve basically only worn PJs, sweatpants and hoodies. I need to buy clothes again to go out and be seen in public. — Dare to Wear
A: Dear Dare To Wear,
Dear Guncles is split on what to suggest. Guncle Mike is more the “let your freak flag fly” and wear rainbow colors, patterns and textures all at once. Guncle Jim is more sophisticated and muted suggesting a more consistent classy look. When observing what others wear (and oftentimes not wear) at Pride, you won’t go wrong with wearing something that makes you happy and comfortable. Pride is represented by all the colors of the rainbow so just have some fun regardless of the color palette and patterns you wear!
Since it’s summer and often gets hot at Pride, practical items you shouldn’t forget to wear are SPF 30+, comfortable shoes (for all the walking and dancing), and possibly a hat to protect your head and face. And don’t forget to hydrate by bringing water.
Tidy Tongue Tips
Q: Dear Guncles
My wife has the ugliest tongue. It’s not the shape, but the white slime covering it. I don’t want to kiss her at times and have asked her to use her toothbrush to brush it off. It doesn’t seem to help and is a turnoff. What should I do? — Tantric Tongue
A: Dear Tantric Tongue,
Making out and playing “tonsil tennis” with your partner is very sensual. A clean tongue is critical to that experience. As we get older, our mouths tend to dry out naturally with age and from medications which create more oral bacteria (e.g. that white slime you mention). It sounds like your wife is trying. But a toothbrush isn’t the most effective way of removing the bacteria that builds up naturally on the tongue.
Buy her a tongue scraper. Tongue scrapers remove 30 percent more volatile sulfur compounds on the tongue than a soft-bristled toothbrush, according to a 2004 study. Tongue hygiene with a tongue scraper also helps increase the sense of taste, remove bad bacteria that contribute to dental decay, and reduce bad breath. Ideally the best time to scrape away is after you wake up in the morning and brush your teeth. But anytime is better than not at all.
A tongue scraper may not be the sexiest gift to give someone and feel like a turn off, but the benefits will be a turn on! So “scrape and kiss” away!!!
