Dear Guncles: Advice from your gay uncles
Jim and Mike are proud guncles of nephews, nieces, younger cousins and furry cats and they’re here to answer your life questions each month, big and small.
Wonderful Wedding Wear
Q: Dear Guncles,
Can I wear my super bright purple suit and matching top hat to my best friend’s and his boyfriend’s wedding? — Mr. Fabulous Outfit
A: Dear Mr. Fabulous Outfit,
Typically, we follow the rule to not outshine the bride, or in this case, the grooms.
Gay weddings tend to be more colorful affairs like the british attending royal events. We think it’s even more so now since everyone has been cooped up and not having had the chance to show off their wardrobe selections. A year of wearing PJs and Lululemon tights gets tiring after a while.
You know your friend best so if he’s into fun outfits and hasn’t stated the dress code on the wedding invitation, then dust off that suit. Our Dear Guncle rule is just to make sure it’s tasteful. We’ve seen overly sexy pants (lack of material in the back) or offensive words printed on shirts which is a no-no really anywhere in public.
If you got hit with the Covid 15 like many of us, you may need to break out the Spanx as well to squeeze back into that suit.
Scathing Sounds of Summer
Q: Dear Guncles,
Summer is my favorite season. I love going to the beach to relax, get a tan and listen to the seagulls and surf. But inevitably, I get a group that sits near me and plays their music loud ruining my time. How can I let them know to turn off their boom boxes. — Beach Bummed
A: Dear Beach Bummed,
How retro. We didn’t know boom boxes were still used. We see and hear bluetooth wireless speakers all over the beach now. And it drives us crazy too.
The hard part with this situation is that beaches are public spaces (unless you’re at a private beach with rules) so sunbathers technically can play their music.
If they play their music at extremely high decibels, then you may be able to talk with the lifeguard or beach managers to confirm and have the sound turned down due to city ordinances. But those are extreme situations.
The best solution is to do what Dear Guncles do – scout out a location further away from people. Another trick is if you’re by the ocean, is to get as close to the water and breaking waves as possible because it helps drown out all other noise.
We hope you can enjoy the rest of your summer! Nothing beats relaxing by the beach!
It’s Not A Drag
Q: Dear Guncles,
Drag Queens scare me. The gay bars have opened back up and out come the drag queens too.
They love walking around and making fun of people during their routine. How do I make sure they don’t talk to or about me? I just want to hide in the corner. — Don’t Pick On Me
A: Dear Don’t Pick On Me,
Ah, yes! How to avoid being part of the routine during Drag Brunch. It’s like attending comic acts. For example, Don Rickles (may he rest in peace) was famous for picking on his audience but it was all done with love. Drag Queens are harmless. They don’t bite (at least the ones we know).
Just sit in the back and don’t wear anything showy that they could talk about because they are hired to entertain. And if they do “pick” on you, just be gracious and smile because they will quickly turn their towering hairdos and fabulously long lashes to some other tipsy prey.
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