Sunday, May 26, 2024

2019 Buick Envision: QuietTuning and bigger seats mean Love is All Around

To be sure, this year’s Buick Envision has its work cut out for it to convince you to buy it, yet it does have some things going for it, like bigger seats for us big-boned gays, always a plus for this plus-sized audience.

It also has something called QuietTuning, which reduces cabin noise even more than usual, and that means you can actually hear what your friends are trying to tell you – could be a good or bad thing, right?

My good friend and gal pal Emily Marquis (as in Grand Marquis) at Buick, who, like me, also pops in and out of Palm Springs frequently, wanted me to plop my ‘largess’ into this year’s Envision and, while noticing the extra room I had for my ‘largess’ (love it!), I also noticed how quiet the cabin was as I was bob-bop-bobbing like the Red Red Robin along the gay streets of town. I told Emily, ‘Sure, Tell me more, Tell me more (just like in Grease!)’ – but first I had to do some reading…

“QuietTuning is Buick’s comprehensive engineering approach to reduce, block and absorb unwanted noise from entering the cabin,” so reads the press literature. (Gosh, couldn’t we all use a gay panic room like that!) In short, Buick puts all their computer nerds, eggheads and queens (I meant those terms lovingly, kids, Smooch!) together to come up with something that can reduce outside noise – coming from the construction crews, nature and the National Park Service – from interrupting A Fifth of Beethoven or the fifth of whatever it is you are enjoying.

“Like tuning a piano for that perfect pitch or sound, Buick vehicles are tuned by using sophisticated acoustic recording measurement and analytical devices,” so proclaims the media materials announcing Buick’s QuietTuning 101.

Hey, I know some of these sound engineers.  First off, they are often LGBTQs who would like to have worked or have worked in Hollywood or New York and now get paid more working for The Man (or more likely in 2019, The Woman), so what they are logically doing is bringing their talent right to your car door and underbelly to make sure your driving mishaps don’t interrupt your road trip karaoke version of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. (Remember, Girlz, Don’t Be a Drag, Be a Kween!)

I will say, all of it was pretty impressive on the 2019 Buick Envision.  I found the ride of the Envision to be nice and smooth, and yes, my ‘largess’ was nice and comfortable, with plenty of room for my drive-thru order on the passenger seat. This year’s Envision starts at $31,995 US.  Mileage is 22 city, 29 highway. And be all means, enjoy the ride – and the peace and quiet…

Yet while Buick can help you with noise outside the vehicle and even with a lot of the noise inside the cabin, they just can’t help you with some of your friends…

Which means that if you have that one friend who sounds like Karen Walker and who really makes you feel like you’re hearing nails on a chalkboard when he talks…

Yeah, well, sorry, can’t help you there…

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