Dear Guncles: Advice from your gay uncles
Jim and Mike are proud guncles of nephews, nieces, younger cousins and furry cats and they’re here to answer your life questions each month, big and small.
Call Me By Your Date
Q: Dear Guncles:
Is it OK that I feel sad that we won’t be quarantined anymore soon? I don’t want Covid to be around, but I’m surprised how much I liked having the time to myself and not be stressed with setting up in-person meetings, lunches, dinners, and even attend parties. — Quarantine Nostalgia
A: Dear Quarantine Nostalgia,
We hear you! The world went through a huge transition last Spring in going into lockdown. Then we got used to it. And many actually liked the solitude. Now we have to transition back to life after quarantine. You’re not alone in your feelings.
What you shouldn’t feel stressed about is putting together meetings with others IF they are the ones reaching out to you to set it up. Many people casually toss out the phrase “Let’s get together soon. Send me some dates/times” and throw the responsibility on you. That’s not fair.
Dear Guncles has the rule that if we want to meet up with someone, we will then suggest 2-3 date options which they can then either agree to, propose an alternative date, or decline (which does happen and is OK). Conversely, if the other party initiates wanting to meet up, then they should propose a date and time.
So, in the future, if your friends and family propose in getting together, just tell them to get back to you with some date/time options (since they initiated in wanting to get together). You’ll be surprised how few people actually do so, and you then have more time to yourself. Stress free!
First to Say “I Love You”
Q: Dear Guncles,
What is the best way to say “I Love You” for the first time to someone? And when?
I’m in my late 50s and lost my long-term partner 2 years ago. I’ve been in love. I’ve said “I Love You” but that was decades ago. Is saying “I love you” too early after a few dates? I really like this guy I am dating and think he can be my “next” one. — Second Love
A: Dear Second Love,
If you truly love the person, then say it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of with your feelings. There is no right or wrong way to say those 3 words. However, you mentioned you “really like” the guy. That’s different. Do you truly love him or just want someone to be with in the long-term? You’ve felt love in the past so you know the feeling. If you love him, tell him. And then you’ll also know if he feels the same way.
Peeping Mail – Postal Edition
Q: Dear Guncles,
I opened up my neighbor’s envelope by accident that the post office erroneously put in my inbox. The catch is that it was to a kinky porn magazine and also included an invoice to the subscription. Should I give it to him even though I opened it or should I just trash it knowing they will probably invoice him again? — OpenToMale
A: Dear OpenToMale,
Uh-huh. Are you sure it was an “accident”? Learn any good positions? Unless you want to pay his bills, you need to give it back to him – the invoice and the magazine. Plus it’s a federal crime to not deliver mail to the correct owner. Separately, who still pays bills via the mail? When you drop it off to him, tell him to pay online, get a digital subscription and avoid this from happening again.
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