Dear Guncles: Advice from your gay uncles
Jim and Mike are proud guncles of nephews, nieces, younger cousins and furry cats and they’re here to answer your life questions each month, big and small.
Marriage Spice
Q: Dear Guncles,
How can I keep the excitement alive in my marriage? My husband and I have been cooped up sitting at home for so long that we don’t know what to do. We’ve gotten into a rut. We still get along fine after 8 years but barely talk anymore and just watch TV or sit on our computers. — Need to Spice It Up
A: Spice It Up
It sounds like your marriage is good but it just needs some spice sprinkled on it. This pandemic put the brakes on doing anything fun together. Now we all need to get out of that garage and explore!
Our friends Andy and Jeff shared this great idea where they find something different to do together. Every weekend they plan something new. They alternate on who decides what to do. It allows them to see different parts of the city and spend quality time together. Examples include visiting a taco stand in a different part of the city, hiking in a park they never visited before, and with museums opening up, seeing some art.
So consider day trips the tabasco on your marriage. And make it as spicy as you want! 🙂
Dare to Care
Q: Dear Guncles,
I have a wonderful elderly neighbor but all she does is complain about her ailments. I stop by her apartment from time to time to have coffee and offer company, but it always turns to her complaining about her health. It gets depressing.
What can I do to help her be more positive? — Woe Is Me!
A: Dear Woe Is Me,
What you are doing in talking to your older neighbor plays an important role in our society. Nearly 30% of elderly over 65 y.o. live alone and of those 43% say they are lonely. Social isolation is a big concern. We know it’s tough for you because it sounds like she may be getting you down at times.
Don’t give up on her, yet protect your own mental health. Some ideas include showing up with objects or photos that inspire you and do a show and tell. Tell her about some place you visited recently and it may encourage her to tell stories about her life instead of focusing on current ailments. By picking positive topics, it may put her and you in a better mood.
No’s to Toes
Q: Dear Guncles,
I was riding the train yesterday and the woman sitting near me ended up clipping her toe nails. I found it disgusting. Should I have said something? — Grooming At Home
A: Dear Grooming At Home,
We have seen people file their nails but clipping toe nails is not something we have seen….yet. Perhaps some people are having trouble getting back into society after being quarantined for so long and forget where they are. However, etiquette rules before the pandemic still apply afterwards. We’re not behind closed doors of our homes anymore. We have others to think about.
As a rule of thumb, if it’s meant to be done behind a closed door in your bathroom or bedroom, it should not be done in public spaces.
With clipping toes and fingers, please, don’t! No one wants to see crusty yellowed crescent shaped claw debris on the seats and floor. Plus the clipping sound is like nails on a chalk board.
In this instance, I’m not sure there is much you can do or say because it’s not prohibited to do on trains unless they left the clippings scattered around, then you can politely suggest they clean it up for the next riders.
