Exploring paths to parenthood for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples

June 22, 2024 Dr. Mark Leondires 6 min read

The journey to parenthood is a deeply personal one, filled with hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Thanks to advancements in reproductive technology and our constantly evolving social landscape, the options for those in the LGBTQ+ community who wish to start or expand their family are more diverse than ever before.

In this article, we’ll explore the various paths to parenthood available to LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, highlighting the unique considerations and challenges they may face along the way.

1. Adoption and Foster Care

Adoption has long been a viable path to parenthood for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. The adoption process can be complex and vary greatly across jurisdictions, so having the right expertise and support is essential. While some agencies and organizations still discriminate against LGBTQ+ adoptive parents, most are now welcoming and supportive. Adopting a child allows individuals and couples to provide a loving and stable home to a child in need, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Foster care can be another avenue for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples to step into the role of caregiver. Fostering involves providing temporary care for children who have been removed from their homes due to various reasons. While the ultimate goal of foster care is reunification with the biological family, in some cases, it may lead to adoption.

Things to consider:

Legal Landscape: Adoption laws vary by state and country, and some jurisdictions and agencies may still have discriminatory policies. It’s critical to research and understand the legal requirements and protections available in your area.
Agency Selection: Choosing a reputable and LGBTQ-affirming adoption or foster care agency can make the process much smoother.
Openness to Diversity: As many prospective parents still seek to adopt infants, being open to adopting children from diverse backgrounds, including children of color, older children, or children with special needs helps broaden the possibilities.

2. Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART)

Assisted reproductive technologies have revolutionized the way LGBTQ+ families have biological children. Some of the most common ART procedures used by LGBTQ+ individuals and couples include:

Intrauterine Insemination (IUI): This procedure involves placing sperm directly into the uterus during ovulation to increase the chances of fertilization and pregnancy.
In Vitro Fertilization (IVF): IVF involves fertilizing an egg with sperm outside the body in the laboratory and then transferring a developing embryo to the uterus.
Gestational Surrogacy: Involves a gestational carrier (surrogate) who is genetically unrelated to the sperm or egg source receiving an embryo, then carrying and giving birth to a child on behalf of another individual or couple.
Reciprocal IVF (Co-IVF): This option allows same-sex cisgender female couples to share the experience of parenthood, with one partner being the genetic egg source and the other partner carrying the pregnancy.

Things to consider:

Cost: These procedures can be expensive, and insurance coverage varies (particularly for LGBTQ+ patients who may not fit the traditional definition of infertility). It’s crucial to research all your options, seek financial grants if needed, and budget accordingly. There are an increasing number of employers who are LGBTQ+ friendly and do provide inclusive coverage options.
Donor Selection: For individuals or couples requiring donor sperm or eggs (such as a same-sex male couple who need an egg donor and surrogate to bring a child into the world), choosing a donor is a big decision. Donor banks and your medical providers can help facilitate and educate you on this process.
Navigating donor conception can be an overwhelming process! Speaking with a social worker or qualified mental health counselor or reading books such as Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception can help you feel more informed and empowered about each step of the process.
Legal Agreements: Assignment of parentage is extremely important to protect our community’s parental rights. All prospective LGBTQ+ parents should talk to an experienced and qualified family law attorney to ensure they have the right documentation in place for their specific state. This is particularly important when it comes to surrogacy arrangements, where it’s vital to have comprehensive legal agreements in place to protect the rights and interests of all parties involved.

3. Co-Parenting or Shared Parenting

Co-parenting or shared parenting refers to two or more individuals who are not romantically involved but decide to raise a child together. This arrangement may take various forms, including platonic co-parenting, co-parenting with friends, or co-parenting within the LGBTQ+ community.

Things to consider:

Communication and Trust: Open and honest communication is essential for successful co-parenting. Establishing clear expectations and agreements from the outset will also help avoid misunderstandings.
Legal Agreements: Co-parenting agreements can be helpful to outline each parent’s responsibilities, financial contributions, and decision-making authority regarding the child’s upbringing.
Child’s Well-being: Co-parents must always prioritize the child and ensure they have a stable and loving environment to thrive in.

4. Alternative Family Structures

The concept of family is always evolving, and many LGBTQ+ individuals and couples are embracing alternative family structures. These may include:

Single Parenthood by Choice: LGBTQ+ individuals may choose to become solo parents through adoption, foster care, or fertility treatments such as IUI or IVF.
Polyamorous Families: Some LGBTQ+ individuals and couples choose to form families within polyamorous relationships, where there are multiple consenting partners involved.
Chosen Families: Formed in love, support, and shared values, rather than traditional biological ties, a chosen family may include friends and community members.

Things to consider:

Social Support: Having a strong support network of friends, family, and community can be invaluable for navigating alternative family structures.
Legal Recognition: Depending on the family structure, legal recognition and protections may vary. It’s important to seek legal counsel to fully understand your rights and options, which can vary from state to state.
Open Communication: Transparent and open communication with all members of a family is crucial for establishing healthy relationships and ensuring everyone’s needs are met.

LGBTQ+ Parenthood is Intentional

For most LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, choosing to become a parent is a conscious decision made with love and determination. While unique challenges may arise on the way to parenthood, the diverse paths available today offer hope and opportunity for those who dream of starting or expanding their families.

By carefully considering all potential options, seeking support from LGBTQ+-affirming family-building professionals, and prioritizing open communication, you can build a loving, thriving family in the way that feels right to you.