If you are looking for real love and wonder why it hasn’t shown up yet, read on.
Love, love, love, we have all said it, we have all felt it, we have all had it and, no matter what we say or claim, we all want to be loved. Real love for who we are. Not what we do, or look like, what we walk or talk like. That’s the external attractor. We want that when someone steps in close enough to see all our messy bits, our undignified moments, our skillful and unskillful ways, they will still love us.
Why is it that we long to be loved wholly and completely, above all? Well, I believe it is because it is who and what we are and the one thing we came here to do and be. Every creature and being on this earth reaches out for love. And, in the beginning, expects it at least until we become conditioned not to. It is what we came here to learn. To love, unconditionally. Coming ultimately to the realization that the gift lies within the giving. It is the rare few of us that are taught how to do that.
It is much like being thrown into a river. Immediately having to rely on whatever training we may have had and our natural instincts. No matter what, there will be twists and turns and bumps and scrapes and most likely some breaks. Praying all the while that we make it out alive. When we do, why would we ever jump back in? Well, some of us — because we think it’s the river’s fault it didn’t work out. Wrong river. Others because we have learned some things and know that we can navigate it better.
Look, we all came here to this planet in all of our unique earth-suits with all our different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, preferences, quirks and gifts to love and in turn to be loved and that’s it. How we relate to everything and everyone matters and it all stems from the one relationship. You and you. How well you love yourself. How well you know yourself. How well you take care of yourself. It actually is all about you. This one relationship dictates how you are in relationship to everyone else and how they relate to you. Sometimes we are so busy with others that we forget or just skip right over ourselves. This year has highlighted a lot of this for us. And it is an opportunity to get some good self-loving in.Things are going to shift. Do you want to be able to say I am a better at loving than I have ever been?
George Washington Carver invented more than 300 things from the peanut. When asked how he knew that all of these things were possible, he said: “Anything you love enough will reveal its secrets to you.”
Dear ones: I know we all want a more loving community, country and world. But there is no way around. It has to start with each and every one of us knowing and loving ourselves more deeply.
Let’s all intentionally deepen our loving, with ourselves first and then keep expanding and growing our love so that we attract what we desire and what we deserve. Real Love takes practice. Here are some ways that will support you.
Six Love Supplies
There was research done with 20,000 people from all different backgrounds, age groups, ethnicities, and cultures. The question posed to them was “How do you feel loved?”
As we explore what it is that these people revealed about how they felt loved, I would like you to take a look at how is it that love gets through to you. What are the main modalities through which you are most fluent in your ability to express and experience love?
These are the six most common ways in which we experience love:
1. Being Listened To
The answer most frequently given was that when someone listens to me really powerfully and really deeply, I feel loved. Listening is the place of connection.
Most of us have not been trained well in listening. We’re thinking of a response while the other person is talking. We need to seek understanding without getting anything from the other person.
Turn up your authentic listening even with the people you think you know best.
2. Praise and Acknowledgement
Turn up the dial on our ability to presence love and speak the words of praise and acknowledgment as part of our pattern of behavior of presencing love.
3. Loving Touch
As long as it’s appropriate for the moment. There is a way of touching where there is a real communication of caring.
4. Being Supported in Our Goals and Dreams
Being a partner in believing.
5. Receiving Loving, Constructive Feedback
Offered without attachment or judgment.
6. Keeping Agreements
People feel loved when agreements are kept. These are the integrity points of relationships.
Please take a breath, choose one each week, meditate on it, contemplate it and practice it. Remember start with yourself.
For a deeper dive come to my Vision Workshop on Saturday, February 20th 10:00-1:00pm PST. Join the Vision of Love Workshop here.